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Remember being a newlywed?

The sense of freedom that you could take off at any moment and just have fun together?

The fulfillment in your relationship as you focused only on each other?

Now imagine if you could have that back in your marriage right now.

But at some point, you started having kids. And whether you have one or seven, kids have a way of coming between you and your wife.

Whether that’s by crawling into bed with you and interrupting “the mood” or literally pushing you apart when they see you hugging in the kitchen, these little things can add up to a less healthy relationship.

I’ve seen this a lot. It’s super common to not be as happy with your great marriage after kids. The Washington Post says that of married couples, people with children have a faster decline in relationship satisfaction compared to couples without children.

How much faster does satisfaction drop for couples with kids? Twice as fast as couples without children.

You know, I can appreciate that. At one point, my wife and I had three kids in baseball who all had to be to different parts of the city at the same time.

We were basically running a bus service with little time left over for our relationship.

It was hard!

And if you allow yourself to drift apart, that has a ripple effect on your family. Kids of parents who have a healthy relationship are much better adjusted and have higher capacities for joy, concentration and self-soothing.

Even 3-month old children get those benefits!

In other words, you need to have more fun with your wife. For the kids’ sake and your own.

The #1 predictor of overall life satisfaction

What do you think is the top predictor of a man being satisfied with his life?

A rocking career?

Financial success?

A good family life?

All of those definitely factor in, but research shows that a man’s top predictor of overall life satisfaction doesn’t come from career, money or even family relationships. 

If you’re satisfied with your wife, you’ll be satisfied with your life.

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It comes from her, men.

If you’re satisfied with your wife, you’ll be satisfied with your life.

The quality of your marriage is the top predictor of overall life satisfaction for men. I guess you could say research backs the old adage that “a happy wife is a happy life.”

When kids come between you, your satisfaction in both your marriage and overall life satisfaction will slip. Here's what to do to stop that.

A happier life:

Fulfillment comes from a lot of things in a man’s life, including a happy wife. Let’s get together to discuss where your fulfillment is lacking and help you find solutions that work for you. It’s free; you’ve got nothing to lose but your problems.

Learn more

Making room for a happier wife (and more fun)

If you don’t get intentional about having a happier wife, you’ll never have a happier life.

The less intentional you are, the further you’ll drift apart as kids take up more of your time and concern.

Here are five things you can do to have more fun with your wife and have a better relationship, even with kids calling for all your time.

1. Live a together life, not separate lives

Men often set up their own adventurous life with the boys while wives go out and complain about their husbands with the girls. That’s a major misstep toward an unhappy marriage.

If spending quality time together brought you together, spending time apart will, unsurprisingly, tear you apart. Especially if you’re negatively talking about them behind their back.

Don’t let the bus service of life take you in too many directions. Do as much as you possibly can together – even if it’s as simple as grocery runs.

I actually gave up golf because it was leading me toward a separate life from my wife and family.

Only 18 summers separate you from when your children are born until they leave the nest, Lions. Spend them together.

2. Put your wife first

Ever heard of the concept of bids? In the psychology world, a “bid” is any request—spoken or unspoken—that your wife makes of you. If she asks you to do the dishes or even hints that she’s too tired to do them, that’s a bid. If she signals you to hold hands in public, that’s a bid.

Researchers estimate that if you accept at least 50 percent of your wife’s bids and vice versa, you’ll have a happy marriage.

3. Be physical

Kids crawl into your bed. It happens. But imagine how much physical contact you had as newlyweds and compare that to now. Are you lacking? Don’t be afraid to let your kids see you hugging, holding hands or kissing. Whether you realize it or not, that’s healthy for the kids to see.

And showing affection physically can lead to more—ahem—fun than even telling can do.

4. Back each other up

Kids don’t always try to come between you, but they often sense that they can get what they want by playing to your different parenting styles. Get on the same parenting page as much as possible with crucial conversations.

And if you can’t agree on something, at least back each other up on firm decisions. Even if you don’t agree. This is a real way to keep kids from coming between you and driving a wedge into your relationship.

5. Prioritize dating

Do you go on anywhere near as many dates as you did as newlyweds? If not, it’s no wonder you’re not having much fun together. Shoot for at least one date night per week.

One coaching client recently set a goal to have one “wow night” per week with his wife.

In other words, if she doesn’t say something along the lines of, “Wow, that was an awesome date” after they’re done, he has to go back to the drawing board.

It’s made him a lot more intentional about planning awesome evenings. He now books the babysitter and schedules his dates far in advance, making his wife happier, and you guessed it, helping them have a lot more fun together.

And that means one Lion is more satisfied with his whole life.

You can do this!

It takes more planning and intentionality, but you can do this, Lions! Set the clock back to when your wife was unquestionably your best friend.

When we work with clients to build their business, we have always found that a holistic approach works best. If your marriage is out of whack, your business will be too. If you can’t have fun with your wife, your business life will be lacking some of that fun as well.

We want you to have an awesome life as part of The Lions Pride. And business is only one out of 10 categories to improve to get that.

We’re not marriage counselors, but we can definitely help you up your game to have a happier marriage and a more successful business.

It’s all inside you, we just draw it out and help you run with it. Tell you what, let’s just have a conversation. You can hit me with the toughest problems you’re facing—with your business, your productivity, your relationships and more.

And I’ll help guide you toward solutions that work for you. And I’ll do it for free.

I schedule 10 30-minute calls per week with high-achieving men who want to get even more out of life. On one recent call, a man find more meaning in his life as he considered a career change.

What can I do for you? Learn more about my free one-on-one calls here.

When kids come between you, your satisfaction in both your marriage and overall life satisfaction will slip. Here's what to do to stop that.

A happier life:

Fulfillment comes from a lot of things in a man’s life, including a happy wife. Let’s get together to discuss where your fulfillment is lacking and help you find solutions that work for you. It’s free; you’ve got nothing to lose but your problems.

Learn more